


Hawkeyes Lessons in Losing

by CaptainAwesomest



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Young Avengers
Genre: Other, Platonic Life Partners, wedgies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-22 10:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7432224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainAwesomest/pseuds/CaptainAwesomest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kate Bishop has, through a combination of coincidences and friendships with certain people, found herself on the receiving end of a disproportionate number of wedgies recently. Coincidentally, Clint Barton is a very frequent wedgie giver and rarely a receiver, leading him to getting to the brilliant idea of mentoring Kate on the arts of wedgie giving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Bandages...bandages..hey, Kate, you seen where I left my bandages?"

"Probably in a first aid kit? Where else would you leave bandages?"

"Huh...good point. Y'know, thinking about it, I don't think I actually have any bandages. That...kinda sucks for my arm."

Rolling her eyes, the petite raven-haired Young Avenger known as Kate 'Hawkeye' Bishop glances over to her taller, blonde-haired Old Avenger known as Clint 'Hawkeye' Barton. The word's out on who's the 'better' Hawkeye, though they're both likely to hit you for insinuating the other's in any way worse than them in any way, so really the safest bet is to acknowledge they're probably about even.

Today, like most days, they were at Clint's apartment, thanks to the sweet archery set-up he's got in-place of his guest room, and so they've been spending the off-day having a friendly archery competition. They both hit their targets perfectly, both decent spread, though Clint did slightly better on the longer-range targets thanks to his bow having a large draw strength, while she got more targets because his form is awful and he ended up cutting up his forearm on his bowstring. Argo, his need for bandages, and the blood covering his dark grey shirt, while she stands away from him, keeping her purple tee and black long undershirt away from the blood.

"OK, Barton, think." Clint pauses, before looking around, grabbing some tape and some paper towels, folding the latter up and using them for a second to clean up the blood on his arm.

"Really?" Kate tilts her head at him, to which he shrugs.

"Hey, like I always say, Katie-Kate, ain't nothing in this world you can't fix up with some tape and some imagination." Clint retorts, tossing away the blood-stained towels for now before motioning behind her. "Hey, do me a favour and pass me that bottle behind you; I'm going to need some rubbing alcohol."

He of course isn't pointing to rubbing alcohol, but rather regular alcohol. Strong stuff, too. With a shrug Kate turns to look through the stack of bottles to find one that isn't empty, while Clint glances over, looking at the back of her waistband peaking out of her loose jeans.

"K...a...t...e...Did you right your name on your underwear?"

Kate instantly puts a hand to her waistband and turns and glares at him, pulling her jeans up a bit more.

"Dude!"

"What? It's adorable!" Clint insists, while she crosses her arms and glares at him. "Me and Bobbi used to do something similar, 'cept I put my name on her waistband and she put her name on mine, both with 'property of' in front, o you know, people knew we were spoken for."

"Most people would just use wedding rings." Kate muses, rolling her eyes before passing him a half-empty bottle of vodka. "Whatevs, if you're done sharing far too much information, here's the damn alcohol."

"Thanks; this is going to sting..." Clint responds, turning back to his improvised first-aid as he dabs the paper towels into the vodka, then presses it against his arm, letting out a yelp of pain as the sting of disinfecting hits his arm. Gritting his teeth he tapes the paper towels down, then shakes the arm to get the feeling back into it. "That's going to _really_ sting like a mother for the rest of the week."

"Now you know why you wear armguards." Kate shrugs with a grin, while he rolls his eyes, wrapping an arm around her in a headlock and giving her a small noogie. "Hey! Quit it!"

"Armguards are for kids and old people." Clint insists, letting her go while taking the left over vodka and taking a shot, in-spite of the current time of day.

"Perfect for you, you're both!" Kat retorts, turning to his fridge, opening it and looking around. "Yo, you're out of pizza, by the way."

"What? There should be one more slice in there." Clint raises an eyebrow.

"Correction, there _was_ one last slice. Then I happened." Kate responds while reaching for the last slice of pizza that was left in the fridge-and really, the fact either of them are trying to eat it instead of giving it to the dog screams highly of their shared issues-causing Clint to glare.

"No! Bad Girly-Girl!" Rushing, Clint grabs the back of her pants, pulling her back by her underwear before she can lay claim to his (really, _really_ bad) pizza (like seriously though, there's no way that isn't going to poison them).

"Agghk! Hey! Cliiiiint!" Kate groans, falling back on her ass as she's pulled back by the purple waistband of her white, purple flower-printed briefs, glaring at him as he pulled the cold pizza slice out of the fridge. Unwilling to let him get it, she kicks her leg up, hitting his hand and knocking the slice to the floor, where Clint's dog Lucky wastes no time gobbling it up.

"Hey! Not cool!"

"Neither is giving me a wedgie and putting me on my ass, jerk." Kate growls, holding an arm up for him to pull her back to her feet, then punching his shoulder in annoyance, something he returns immediately after, starting a mini slap fight as they briefly exchange tiny smacks, until they pull themselves away to avoid escalating, and so Kate can fix her underwear.

"In my defence, you gotta stop walking around without a belt; I see more of your underwear these days than I do of my own." Clint muses, while she just flips him off, taking a seat.

"I've tried wearing a belt; this whole 'Blue Statue Curse' thing makes it impossible." Kate groans, slouching on the table.

"Have you tried talking to Loki about it? He-she?-they?-they might be able to do something about it." Clint suggests, grabbing a bagel-which again, has not been kept in appropriate storing conditions and such is probably not good to eat-and takes a bite, consequences be damned, while leaning on the table next to her.

"Given we don't know where they came from, I'm a little suspicious Loki might be behind it." Kate shrugs, thinking aloud while taking the bagel from him, taking a bite. "Like, all we know is its some mischievous force that likes stretching out women's underwear in creative and ridiculous ways; how is that not totally a Loki thing to do?"

"Well, I knew the old Loki, the 'burn Asgard to stick it to Thor because he broke my toys' Loki, not the 'pretty young morally ambiguous and sexually ambiguous' Loki you kids pal around with, so I don't know what constitutes a 'Loki thing' anymore." Clint muses.

"Besides, they're too busy with this whole 'running for president' thing." Kate adds, making Clint nod.

"Is it weird that I want to vote 'em? Like, just to see what happens if they win?"

"Not at all, you seen the other candidates? It's sad we've gotten to the point that the reincarnated God-of-Mischief is a better candidate." Kae agrees, once more stuffing her underwear into her pants. "Damn it."

"I really stretched them that out?"

"Please, don't flatter yourself, I did this on the way here." Kate rolls her eyes. "Or rather, Carmilla did; seriously, thank Thor that Janet made this whole 'Super-undies' line, I'd have shown up commando otherwise."

"Ewe." Clint groans, sticking his tongue out before leaning back. "You really get wedgied that much?"

"Only by her, Tommy, occasionally Billy, sometimes Teddy, whenever I actually get to see Cassie or Eli, and America...oh and your wife-"

"Ex-wife...girlfriend....OK, me and Bobbi need a label for this whole 'sex-with-the-ex' thing-"

"-Your whatever-you-and-Bobbi-call-it, then, and Natasha, sometimes. Oh, and Beetle. Beyond that its mostly if it happens in a fight with a villain; again, Blue Statue Curse means my waistbands are constantly looking for a hand to get caught on."

"Aren't you a badass though? How do you not _break_ every hand that touches them?" Clint questions, taking the bagel back and finishing it.

"Who says I don't?" Kate grins, letting out a small laugh, before leaning back in her chair. "Seriously though, I get them all back, except for America because you don't mess with America Chavez-"

"-So I've heard-"

"-but other than her, I think I give as good as I get." Kate shrugs.

"Still, that's a lot." Clint muses, looking up at the ceiling. "Like, I give my fair-share of wedgies, you know, around the Avengers and SHIELD types-"

"-Last time I saw Wanda she did say something about needing to put a hex on your shorts-"

"-and like, they almost never get me back. Y'know, 'cept Bobbi and 'Tash, and Wanda but she's got powers so it don't count, but like, Janet, Tony, Steve, Buck, Sam, everybody really, I've gotten away with. I'm the resident master of wedgies."

"OK first of, there is no way I believe you ever gave Captain America, _any_ Captain America, a wedgie, never mind _three_ of them-"

"-Steve wears briefs because that's what he's used to, Sam's a boxers-type-of-guy, and Bucky likes him some Boxer-briefs. How could I know that otherwise?"

"-Changing rooms? Whatever, second point, none of those count. You're like, the annoying brother of the Avengers, so you're the only one who pulls those kind of things."

"Not true; Tony and Janet are always pulling waistbands, and sometimes Bucky's willing to play along."

"...WAY too much information there. Still, it doesn't really count if there's barely anyone else who does those things; pretty much everyone I know finds this crap fun."

"Yeah, but, do they not get me back because they don't find it funny, or because they've tried and can't?" Clint insists, a cocky grin on his face. "Seriously, besides Carol and Thor-both old and new-none of them succeeded, not even the ones who've tried."

Rolling her eyes, Kate tries to ignore the claim, not rising to whatever he's trying to sell, while she goes to grab her jacket and bag. As she takes a few steps, she stops, silently cursing as she finds herself turning around.

"OK, fine, what's your point here?"

"Simple: I teach you my ways, little grasshopper." Clint declares with a proud expression, hands on his hips. "If you're gonna deal with some 'wedgie curse', I might as well teach you in how to counter 'em."

"Yeah, already done that with Carmilla."

"This the same Carmilla that got her underwear stretched over a flagpole, while her feet were still on the ground, that one time?"

"In her defence, Pym Particles were involved." Kate muses, shaking her head.

"Yeah, seriously Katie-Kate, lemme teach you how to tear waistbands." Clint declares, clapping his hands together. "It'd be great! It's more important Hawkeye skills to pass on, and a great way to kill the afternoon."

Rolling her eyes, Kate tries to dismiss the idea. Although, having an excuse to wedgie Clint for a bit would be fun, not to mention it'd be another area to prove her superiority in. After all, there's no possible way Clint could really be as good as he claims at this, could there?

As it turns out, Clint Barton isn't exaggerating.

"Fine, show me what you got, Barton." Kate declares with a shrug, getting up and stretching her arms.

"Cool, OK, I'll even give you an advantage." Clint nods, removing the blood stained shirt, making Kate roll her eyes and look away. "See? No shirt, and I'm wearing sweatpants; the only way I could be easier to get right now is if I was only in my boxers."

"Yeah, uh, please don't do that." Kate adds, cracking her knuckles. "So, what, you just want me to rush you now or something?"

"If you want; first lesson, a wedgie can happen at any time, so you need to be prepared to counter it at any time." Clint claims, tossing the bloodstained shirt at her, to which she bats away. "When you're ready, make your move; I'll be watching TV."

He's baiting her here, she knows it. He's almost definitely baiting her when he then kneels down to pick up his bow, with his black and purple boxer briefs just _casually_ sticking out. Kate knows a trap when she sees one.

Unfortunately, she vastly underestimates both her ability to counter a trap, and Clint's ability to counter any counter, as she learns when she goes for it anyway. She rushes at him, seeing him turn to counter as expected, so she jumps up to try and keep her waistband from his reach as he turns, only for him to not bother. Instead, he grabs her legs and pulls down, tugging down her loose jeans and exposing the flower-stamped backside of her hipster briefs.

"Hey!" Kate gasps and reaches down to pull them back up, making her fall over, butt in the air, groaning in dizziness.

"Imma givin'ya that one for free." Clint adds in a teasing tone, lightly smacking her butt with the bow to get her moving, making her jump and turn around, tugging up her pants.

"Not cool!" She growls, crossing her arms and glaring. Admittedly it's not like she's never pulled down his pants or smacked him with the bow-that's an 'archer's hello'-but she was hoping to get him to shut up here and now! Now she needs to continue this until she's winning!

"just giving you a warm-up." Clint shrugs,  jumping onto his couch to watch TV, making the dog-who'd been sleeping on said couch-jump up and scamper away, passing Kate, who takes a second to rub the dog's head while trying to think of a way to get him back. Then she remembers the dog, who looks at her puzzled when he senses her staring at him.

As Clint turns on the TV, out of nowhere a dog is dropped right on him, making Clint jump in a similar manner to the dog. "Lucky! What the hell!?"

Distracted, Clint is just a little too fast to stop Kate jumping on him and managing to wrestle him to the ground.

"Teach this, Barton!" Kate declares, trying to grab his waistband, only for him to flip them around, grabbing hers and pulling hard.

It's here when Kate learns that the years of archery has giving Clint the benefit of upper body strength, the kind of which that do not mix well with underwear. Perhaps she should stop using a compound bow.

"Sonofa-bwoaaar!" Kate yells as her underwear is once more tugged up, easily getting to her shoulder blades. As she struggles, Clint keeps her there, before Kate feels something cold slipping into the legholes, realizing too late that the bow Clint was holding is now being threaded through the legholes, reattaching the bowstring after to keep it stuck on, before he starts spinning it around.

"You should know this one; propeller bow-wedgie." Clint claims, letting her go now that she's stuck with a bow twisted through her underwear.

"Damn it, I'm going to get even here!" Kate growls, while Clint grabs the bow then pulls her back onto her feet by it, making her kick her legs as she's briefly airborne from the wedgie.

"Yeah, well, good luck with that, just remember the second lesson: Don't try to wedgie someone who's currently holding something that could make a wedgie worse." Clint replies, watching her turn away, walking away from him. "Where you going?"

"Firstly, getting new underwear; then I'm getting changed and getting out of this thing." Kate claims, grabbing a pair of underwear from her pile of clothes that she leaves at his place (at this point he's pretty sure she's living with him rent-free, but he's not completely certain), then heading to the bathroom, struggling at first to get the bow stuck to her ass through the doorway.

"I think this is going pretty well, huh boy?" Clint adds, turning to the dog, who looks at him mostly uninterested, making a shrugging-like expression.

Meanwhile, with Kate, she struggles to pull off the pair of panties now tied to his bow, an annoyed expression on her face as she briefly tries to figure out how to get them off of said bow once she's removed them. Giving up on that for now-she'll just need to take the bow apart later to free that pair of underwear-she changes into the panties she grabbed, glancing at herself in the mirror. It's an elastic thong, purple and black striped, and part of Van Dyne Fashions' 'super-panties' line.

"Great idea Kate; you're in a wedgie-fight with a guy who's got years of experience giving people wedgies, and you decide to put on a thong." She mumbles to herself as she pulls on her pants, wishing she put on a belt as they ride bellow the thong's waistband, or at least a longer shirt so they weren't visible.

As she was about to leave the bathroom she spotted a quiver of trick-arrows he left in the bathroom, because the bathroom is apparently a good place to keep them (though, where in Clint's place doesn't he have arrows stashed?). Thinking some might be of use, she takes them out to look at them.

Boomerang arrow? Might be useful. Grappling arrow? Too obvious. Putty arrow? She's not a fan of messy wedgies and would not want to inflict that on anyone. Then she gets to the last one: Floatation device-arrow, for when you need to get someone aid when they're drowning and you don't have time to swim to them yourself. This might actually be useful.

Quietly slipping out of the bathroom she looks around for him, spotting him working on his TV, trying to get TiVo to work, not paying attention to her. Perfect, she thinks, until she realizes how fast his reflexes are; deaf or not, he'd be able to sense her coming and she doesn't want him getting his hands on it. Of course, she does still have his bow, even if her underwear is still tangled around one of the limbs.

Aiming above him, and hoping she doesn't mess up the bank shot-how he so casually pulls them off when she needs to focus so much on getting the angle right is unfair-before she lets the arrow fire, bouncing off of the ceiling above him and down into the back of his boxers.

"Huh!?" Clint raises his head in surprise, about to reach back to pull it out, before suddenly the head of the arrow expands and inflates a large, white balloon-like object with a purple target printed on it, trapped within his boxers and pulling them up and out as a result.

"Ahhg!" Jumping, Clint struggles to get the arrow out as it creates a unique wedgie, the object getting bigger and harder to get out at the same time.

"Woo! It worked!" Kate cheers, toss the bow aside and clapping her hands together, getting excited. "In your face, Barton! Millennial-era Hawkeye for-the-win!"

"Kate! You, damn this is creative-OK, I'm impressed. Like, really impressed." Struggling still, Clint manages to grab the arrow's shaft and breaks it off, causing the floatation device to stop inflating, slowly deflated and allowing him to pull it out. "Permission to steal that idea?"

"So long as you don't use it on me, I'm good with that." Kate nods with a grin, hands on her hips as she steps forward to see his progress in recovering from it. "Got you good, huh?"

"Yeah, you did. Of course, you just made two other mistakes." Clint replies, making her look at him in confusion, before suddenly finding him grabbing her and wrestling her to the ground.

"Hey!"

"Firstly, you got too close to someone you just gave a wedgie to; don't do that." Clint starts, pinning her in an arm-bar with her on her stomach, causing her to stick her rear up. "Secondly, you're wearing a thong and loose pants; ignoring how dated that look is, it's pretty much the biggest faux-pas when it comes to wedgies. Observe."

Reaching over with one of his arms, using the other to keep her trapped, he grabs the thong and pulls it towards himself, making her kick about under him.

"Quit-quit it! I won! I got you back!"

"Katie-Kate, that's mistake number 3; it's never over unless you've made a mutual agreement to end it." Clint claims, continuing to pull up on the striped thong, and continuing to make her kick about in an attempt to escape.

"OK, well, right now, that ain't happening until I've firmly kicked your ass and proven you're full of crap about this whole 'master at wedgies' thing." Kate insists as she lays there, face pressed against the ground, unable to do anything with him holding her underwear like this.

"Yeah? How about I prove that wrong? Agree to end things if I do that?" Clint offers, loosening his grip slightly as he leaned forward to look at her.

"If you can do something _far_ more impressive then tear a tiny woman's thong off of her backside, then I'd happily let this end, y'know, for today."

"That I can do. Pass me that arrow next to you right there?" Clint adds, making her look puzzled as she reaches for the arrow, handing it to him, causing him to give one more sharp tug. "Mistake number 4, never help the person giving you a wedgie; that one was common sense."

"OK, that it?" Kate asks, gritting her teeth as he pulls harder for a second, until he starts shuffling them around the room, turning until he was facing a target by the wall. Pulling her closer, he crosses his leg over her and tightens his grip on her thong, making her scrunch her face until she feels him placing the arrow against the thong's string, resting the arrow on his leg, then pulls back on the arrow and the thong.

"No. No-no-no, nonononono, NO! That, that right there is not possible. My thong is _not_ tight enough to have the pull-strength to launch the arrow that far and there's no way you can make that shot from here-"

Her rambling is cut off as he lets go of the arrow and the thong string, his other arm still holding it in place, causing it to slingshot the arrow.

Evidently, he can make the shot. He even gets a bullseye, just to show off.

"No." Kate blinks, looking at the arrow in the target. The anger and annoyance in her face gone and replaced with just plain disbelief that he made the show, so much so she briefly forgets about the wedgie.

"Pass me another arrow, bet I can robin-hood it." Clint claims, to which she shakes her head.

"No, I'm done. You win." Kate repeats, still in a state of disbelief.

"You sure?"

"Positive. I am _not_ continuing this until I've figured out how you did that." Kate insists, to which he shrugs, letting the thong snap back and rolling around, getting back to his feet then holding a hand out for her, which she accepts, allowing him to pull her off of the ground and back onto her feet, before she begins the process of stuffing the thong back into her pants. "So, that's it, no more?"

"Not until we've at least caught up on _Dog Cops_." Clint claims, grabbing a shirt from the pile of clothes he leaves in the middle of the room-because drawers are needlessly complicated to assemble and the guys you pay to do it for you are jerks-pulling it on then sitting down on the couch, moving up so she has room to plop down next to him.

"Oh, did you hear about Sergeant Spaniel getting spade in this episode? Apparently its-"

"Ahh! Spoilers-spoilers-spoilers! Why would you do that?" Clint yells, closing his eyes and covering his hearing aid.

"You just used my thong as a makeshift bow _while I was wearing it_. You deserved it, jerk." Kate claims with a grin, causing him to shove her aside, which of course just makes her bounce back and shove him back, before the two turn the TV on and, after struggling to get it to work, begin watching this week's episode of Dog Cops, an episode Clint couldn't enjoy thanks to knowing the ending. And so, that's how Kate's lesson in wedgies ends.

This was far from their only lesson.


	2. Shopping, Shorts, and Sequels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint continues to 'teach' Kate how to get better at giving wedgies, and she comes up with a way to get even.

Little known fact about being an archer. Every time you finish using the bow, you're supposed to remove the string, to remove unnecessary strain on the limbs and keep them strong. Which, of course, means for people like the Hawkeyes, Clint Barton and Kate Bishop, they usually spend a few minutes after wrapping up their training removing the string. Clint always takes longer though, since Kate uses a compound, which don't require this little process due to how they're built and the complicated nature of their design making removing the string needlessly difficult, and so, most times she's waiting on him.

Before this just meant she'd text one of her friends and/or arrange to go do something. Today though? She's looking to get even.

Starting a few days ago Clint had been 'tutoring' Kate on giving wedgies. Kate's involved in a number of wedgie wars of varying intensity-one with her boyfriend Tommy Shepherd, one with her friend Carmilla (though often working together against others), a mostly one-sided one with America (she starts them, America _ends_ them), and occasional wedgie battles with various friends and enemies. Clint however has been doing these with his friends and allies in the Avengers for years, from his ex-wife Mockingbird to, according to him, the Captain America(s) themselves, and each one he maintains that he's the victor, so he felt it was needed that he should teach Kate how to be as difficult to wedgie as he is, to maintain the Hawkeye name and all of its respect and dignity (Clint has, of course, blanked out the many mean comments he's seen online that indicate the name doesn't hold any respect and dignity, because those people are stupid).

Kate suspects this is just an excuse for him to take advantage of her easy-to-wedgie state to try tearing all the waistbands of her underwear as much as he can, though, given his idea of training her amounts to 'wedgie Kate as often and as many times a day as possible'. She's gotten him back a handful of times, but he's not kidding when he says he's hard to wedgie; maybe growing up with a brother like Barney or the fact he was married to Bobbi Morse has something to do with that.

So, here she is, standing by the doorway peering through as she sees him knelt down, removing the string and ensuring his bow is safe. It's somewhat unneeded to be that careful as its only one of many bows he has lying around, and it's not even _that_ bow, the hand-crafted one he's had since he first became an Avenger, the one that he gave to Kate when he officially gave her his consent to using the name. But, him tinkering around is a good enough distraction for Kate, who currently holds a grappling hook arrow in her hand, hoping to fix up a dangling wedgie of some kind.

So, with his back facing her, Kate carefully makes her way up to his back, hoping to snag his waistband as quickly as she can-past experience has taught her not to try just wrestling his waistband from him-before he can stop her.

Unfortunately, she doesn't expect him to quickly toss a shoe back behind him, hitting her foot and tripping her, allowing him to turn, catch her, then pin her over his knee.

"Mistake number...what are we on now?"

"Fifteen?"

"Fifteen! Mistake number fifteen: Don't sneak up on someone in the same room as a dog that's within eyeshot." Clint finishes, motioning to the dog on the couch near them, who reacted to Kate coming into the room. With Kate struggling, Clint grabs her waistband-a white elastic band with the word 'Tomboy' written on it a few times-and pulls up, revealing the elastic purple lady-boxers under her jeans, making her yelp and kick about.

"Let you off with a warning since its early, so you're welcome." Clint adds, tugging two more times than letting go, using the bow to smack her backside once again, causing her to yelp.

"These 'lessons' would work a lot better if you didn't insist on destroying my backside doing them." Kate groans, rolling onto her back and reaching her hands back to fix her underwear. "Or, you know, maybe turn down the difficulty? Start simple and progress?"

"Or you could learn how to be better at this stuff?" Clint retorts, holding a hand out to help her up, something he's done many times recently since they began these lessons. "You want to learn or what?"

"At this point? I don't care about learning; I just want to get even." Kate responds, stuffing the underwear back into her pants.

"Yeah, that won't be happening." Clint responds confidently, while turning to leave. "Come on, grab your coat, we're heading out."

"We are? Why?" Kate asks, grabbing her jacket and following him, as he grabbed his own on the way out the door, pulling it over his grey shirt as they left the apartment, while she did the same, pulling her purple leather jacket over her black and white shirt.

"Because food? Need more protein bars, milk, dog food for Lucky, cereal, all that stuff." Clint answers with a shrug, resting his elbow on her shoulder as he adjusted the jacket. "Also need some more arrows from the sporting goods store."

"Don't you like, get them from SHIELD or Stark or someone?" Kate replies, pushing the arm off.

"I get the trick arrows from whatever team I'm on at the time, but the regular arrows I gotta buy myself." Clint continues, getting to the red muscle car he bought on an impulse a while back, the 'mid life crisis-mobile' as Kate sometimes calls it.

"OK, well, in that case, OK for me to get new underwear while we're out? Like, you've managed to double my need for new underwear in the last two days alone." Kate ask, somewhat blushing as she did so.

"Aren't you wearing those 'super panties' Janet's company are selling? Aren't they like, invulnerable or something?" Clint responds with a raised eyebrow, as they started the car and pulled out.

"They don't rip, but they still stretch out, it's just that they eventually recover; doesn't mean I wanna sit around in stretched out underwear all day. Besides, have you seen the wedgies you've been giving me? They require a change of underwear simply so I can be sure to still have feeling down there."

"That makes sense. Wait, how are you paying for all this underwear? You're broke and you don't have a job."

"You evidently haven't checked your wallet in some time." Kate responds with a smirk, causing Clint to reach into his pocket, finding the wallet missing, which Kate holds in front of him. "Stop putting me over your knee like some weird 50s headteacher and this won't happen."

"See, that's actually impressive. I wanna give you an atomic and shove you out the door, but I gotta respect you getting that without me noticing." Clint admits, a small, proud smile on his face, at least for a moment. "Now, give it back before I, you know, do just that."

@@@

A short drive later, mostly uneventful save for two more failed attempts at getting Clint ending briefly with Kate getting her underwear hooked over the seat of the car, the two arrive at a surprisingly mostly empty shopping mall.

"You know, pretty sure you could have all your stuff delivered to your door now. I mean, it's why no one else is here." Kate claims as she got out of the car, stuffing her underwear into her pants once more.

"Really? And miss the exercise? This is why your generation is so fat, you guys don't go out and get your own stuff." Clint scoffs at the idea, rolling his eyes. "Come on, if no one's here it just means no lines."

"Well, really it means that there's no PokeStops here." Kate muses, walking with Clint into the mostly empty shopping centre.

"Oh, there is, it's actually the closest one to my place so its where I usually come." Clint claims, glancing at her. "There's also a Gym not too far, but it's been claimed by another team and I haven't been able to beat it."

"You were the one who picked Team Instinct." Kate responds with a shrug. "Should'a picked Mystic."

"Shut-up." Clint rolls his eyes, giving her a light shove, before turning to the sporting goods store, leading her in.

As Clint talks to the shop keeper, Kate turns her attention to some of the bows on display, glancing at them to see what's available. Being that its unlikely anyone reading cares as much about archery as she and Clint do, we'll skip over the details on each bow, and just establish that her attention was completely taken by the bows. At least, until

"Katie-Kate, time to go." Clint announces, giving her underwear a quick tug and making her jump up.

"Dude! Quit it!" Kate yelps, turning and trying to punch him in the nethers in response, once more stuffing her underwear back into her pants, then pulling her shirt back down to cover her behind.

"Well next time pay attention; I shouted your name like, twice." Clint claims, while she just groans, taking a second before following him. "That's mistake number...16? 16! Mistake number 16: Always pay attention."

"I am going to stab you." Kate responds with a constant glare, while Clint just grins back in response.

Things continue like this for the rest of the shopping trip, as they buy food, essentials, underwear, and other such, all the while Kate would occasionally try to take an opportunity to get Clint and Clint would respond by demonstrating new ways to turn underwear against someone, up until they got ready to leave.

"Got everything you came for?" Clint asks, holding the bags as he walked ahead, while Kate trailed behind, one hand holding a bag of underwear while the other hand was once more trying to bury her underwear back into her jeans, all the while glaring at him.

"Yeah...just about everything." Kate grumbles, still trying to look for an opening as they got to the car, to which Clint began putting the shopping into trunk, his back turned to Kate as he held the bags up, trying to fiddle around to find his keys and dropping some things, mostly a couple of arrows.

Kate rolls her eyes at him, watching him struggle to do the simple task of putting away his shopping (how can a man who's able to turn the rubber tips on pencils into deadly weapons struggle with so many everyday things?), but then she notices that doing this has lifted his shirt up enough to show his lower back and waistband, while, as she realizes, simultaneously keeping both his arms busy. Now, that's not completely defenceless (five minutes ago he did give her a bra-connection wedgie with nothing but his feet; how he did _that_ is for the reader's imagination), but its defenceless enough for Kate to get an idea.

Standing on the other side of the car, she starts by moving as quickly as she could-speed being one of the most important things he's drilled into her-she puts her own bag down before reaching forward, grabbing the back of the waistband and pulling back over to her side, making him stumble.

"H-hey!" Clint yelps in surprise, nearly dropping his bags. "Kate? I'd praise the initiative but if I drop any of this I am going to hang you from the back of the car and drive home like that."

"No, you won't, but, thanks for the idea." Kate responds, holding his underwear in place-a simple purple pair of boxer-briefs-while reaching for some of the loose arrows.

"Kate..." Clint responds, keeping a calm expression as he essentially let her pull up until she could get the leg holes out of his jeans, not really having much choice while he was holding the bags.

"That's 'Miss Kate, the Superior Hawkeye' to you, right now." Kate responds as she threaded the arrows through the legholes, creating an x-shape before imbedding them into the car (which fortunately already had plenty of arrow and bullet holes), leaving his underwear stuck to the car as she stood back, admiring her work.

"OK, OK, colour me impressed, I'm firmly stuck. You done?" Clint asks, raising an eyebrow at her, not caring too much about the discomfort he's currently experiencing.

"Almost." Kate replies, standing on the car and grabbing the bags and the keys, moving out of the way quickly enough to stop him grabbing her leg-fortunately he really didn't want to smash the eggs in one of the bags-before jumping back down, quickly putting the bags into the car with much less difficulty than he did.

"Um...thanks? So, now are you-" Clint starts to question, before he hear and feel the car start up, making his eyes widen as he turns to see Kate in the drivers eat. "Oh, you wouldn't-"

"Suck my arrow, Hawkguy." Kate grins, before stepping on the acceleration.

She only drives a small bit, maybe a few feet, but it's enough to pull Clint off of his feet, utterly destroy the boxers, and make him briefly scream in sheer surprise, before she stops, jumping out of the car.

"Boom! In your face! You just got Bishop'd!" Kate declares, more excitedly than usual as she dances around to look at him, watching Clint slowly struggle to stand, awkwardly taking the underwear from his jeans.

"OK, OK, I admit, you definitely got me. Congrats, you've officially gotten me." Clint admits, rubbing the back of his head, looking at her with a weird mix of annoyance, pain, discomfort, and pride. "Apparently I'm a good teacher after all."

"Well, you're not the worst teacher ever." Kate responds with a grin, as the two got into the car, Kate making sure to sit as far away as possible to avoid any payback. "You know, they do super underwear for men, as well."

"Really? Remind me to talk to Janet about getting some. You know, when I can walk again."

With that, the two Hawkeyes drove home, with almost no wedgies on the ride there and only a couple when they got there, evidently too tired after this to really go all out.

So, that left a simple score: Clint:Kate 1:1, for now.

**Author's Note:**

> So, wanted to do a Hawkeyes wedgie story for a while; Clint and Kate have this really cool, sorta-brother-and-sister-like dynamic that's really fun to read and write and while I've made references to it, I've never actually had them trade wedgies. Clint, being the 'fun one' of the Avengers for years, would undoubtedly have years of experience pulling on waistbands, while Kate, though frequent receiver of wedgies as of late, wouldn't have the same experience he does, so it makes sense for him to 'teach' her how to really improve her wedgie skills. There's a lot of moments in the Fraction series where the two train together (well, in archery; don't think they've ever sparred though it's something I'd imagine them doing), so this is basically a wedgie version of that.


End file.
